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23rd April 2010

1:05pm: Heehee. I signed into here today by mistake and have been browsing my old f-list.

*waves at all her old buddies*

College life seems to have lost its appeal for me at the moment. I think I'm on a bit of a lazy slump. it'll probably get better soon but if truth be told I'd much rather still be on Easter break.

19th January 2010

5:59pm: Okay. So I have a new LJ. You don't have to add me. I know I've pissed a lot of you off recently and I only have myself to blame for that. My new LJ will be the same as this one but I just felt the need to relieve myself of a very heavy load - and this LJ is very heavy weighted in all my problems. All I can do is apologise to you all for the offence I've caused recently.

The username is sarahandcocoa - easy to remember; my dog and cat's names.

And now I am going to dinner!

19th February 2009

3:52pm: *big sigh*

I have just written 2,250 words of childbirth.


Whilst Wendelin and Wittyleah were talking cats and Gary was sending me various weather reports and insisting that it is snowing in Durham. *looks out window* No it isn't!

But seriosuly: this stuff is tough going. I am having Aurelia faint because I just cannot describe it too intricately.

And the worry is that it is 2,250 words and I have two other scenes I wanted to jam into this chapter. *big sigh*

I love it really. I mean, it is very tense... and it's set in snow on winter solstice. The thought that I am writing such a tragic event for a day before my birthday is slightly disturbing. Do I hate December 22nd that much?

Gah. The worst part of it is over. The rest of the chapter is not to troubling.

Next chapter: smut! Hehehe! I can't wait. Not written a good piece of smut in ages. And I will be getting to exercise all of hunky Irishman's muscles... quite literally, hehe!

EDIT: Why do I never check for ridiculous typos? Chunky? *giggles like mad* *looks at time* *groans*

*does love her characters*

*even Lucy, the dim-witted maid*

*imagines turning her fic into a Sci-Fi*

*perishes the thought*


19th January 2009

2:03pm: LJ keeps doing this weird thing whereby it deletes half my friends' entries that I know were there earlier, because I had read them. I will refresh the page and they'll still not be there. So I go into panic attack, thinking, "Oh God - what have I said now? Laura, you need to learn how to shut that great big trap of yours!" Realise that nobody has defriended me. And then, in the cheekiest of manners, LJ just reinstalls said friends' entries. *doesn't like it* But it meant that I managed to save Bridget's entry about the beautiful Chubby until today to put a smile on my face.

Anyway, "Blasted Ballad" might be getting a home. I can't call it that; neither can I call it anything to do with Azkaban because fanfic isn't allowed... but I MIGHT (A conditional might) be submitting it to the latest edition of the Sci-Fi mag! It is not Sci-Fi, I hear Gary cry! Well, no, but Nikki is a very sweet person who is desperate for me to submit something and I stand a chance of becoming an editor next term if I participate this term. It's the only thing I can think of that is under 3,000 words, not entrenched into Potterville or set in the 17th Century. And it isn't that bad... really *shifty eyes*

Okay. Time for productivity. I am going to start chapter 14. But I am faced with a problem: Shall I go to the library, full of soothing ambiance and no distractions, and destroy said ambiance and create distractions for all others through my "smash typing". Or shall I stay here, with the threat of being leaped on by my mother who rang me during a lecture this morning because I AIMed her good morning at 8.

I could turn AIM off but that would omit the chance of me talking to someone worth talking to. Not that she isn't worth talking to. I just won't get any work done becaude I will have to ask ten zillion questions - and should I fail to answer a single one she will get mardy and think I don't love her.

And I am thinking too deeply into this!

*goes to visit myrtle and contempalte decision*

16th January 2009

10:32am: So, I just got back an essay that has been ripped into tiny little shreds and whilst I have "some knowledge" of the issues and a few "good points" the essay was incoherent, illogical and based upon too many assumptions. There isn't a sentence in my essay that he hasn't underlined with an arrow asking what the fuck I mean.

I am sick of people putting me down. I've just had efuckingnough of it. Most who have done it recently haven't even realised they've done it; they haven't realised just how much they have hurt me. But this bastard of a tutor's comments were intentionally harsh. I don't know him. He owes no loyalty to me, so he can make me feel like the shittest person at essay-writing in the world and there is no conscience to scold him.

I am trying not to cry because it is too early in the day to be depressed. Last night I cried for only half an hour until I managed to chase it away. That's an achievment, but it sure aint one anybody other than myself and other sufferers will recognise.

*decides to lie down for a bit*

15th January 2009

10:52pm: I've just spebt the past three hours entrenched in poetical devices and structure. What I have to show for it: two meak stanzas of a poem. This is why I like to write prose! What I coulkd have written in 3 hours? 3,000 words! At the moment this poem stands at two stanzas, both four lines long with a rhythmic structure that is as random and wrong as when I try to hit a note. I just wasn't cut out for writing poetry. Analysing it, maybe. Writing it, no.

I feel somewhat exasperated. Not only because I am a weak soul with no self-discipline who has been a hermit all day, but because I didn't actually achieve what I set out to do. I've learnt a lot in the process, though. I'm getting a little sick of learning rather than achieving... not putting things into practical form... but there we go. I am doomed to failure in that respect.

Oh fuck this. I didn't come on here to complain. I came on here to tell you all that I wrote two stanzas of the crappest poem I have ever written.
5:14pm: I nearly bit Beth's head off for trying to take my last Reese's mini-choc bar from Bridget's goodie box. Ooops. I really need to learn how to be more benevolent. But Nikki took my first one and I haven't had a bar in aaaaaaggggeeeeeeeessssssss. I'm laughing about it but it is a show of just how bad my people skills actually are.

*decides to buy Beth a bar when she goes to the shop next time*

*is probavbly not going to eat the choccie bar now out of guilt*


14th January 2009

6:02pm: I is back in Durham!!!!!!!!!

It is great to come back. The welcomming I've had from everyone has put a genuine smile on my face. Tis so reassuring to know I'm somewhere I belong again.

And I parted with my folks on a good note.

Things will work out. Hopefully.

11th January 2009

10:00am: *is on the verge of killing something*

I have riding lesson booked. Lovely. I get ready and go to my car. Lovely gubbly. Car makes ridiculous wailing noise. Not so lovely. I set off and it persists with stupid wailing noise. Even less lovely. The battery light comes on. Oh fuck. Mum tells me the battery is gone. Just my effing luck. I go to the garage and they want to keep it in. Right, whatever. I ring up riding stables to inform them what is happening. *hates making such phone calls* Mandy gives me a fucking hard time for not giving her enough notice. Well what more notice could I give? Up until 30 seconds before I made the call I still believed Id be able to get there - maybe a bit late, but there nonetheless!

*sighs* And I owe them for last week, which means I need to make my way up there at some point. And I'm leaving for Durham in two days - oh and I haven't got a car! Neither has my dad, because he sold his old Mini on Monday.

So both Dad and I are stranded. I'm tempted to cancel my Mansfield night on the town now that I know I'm at the mercy of public transport and my mother. But I did manage these things before I had Musher so it's not like I'm not capable. It just means I'll feel obliged to get pissed, which I wasn't going to do, and I have a shopping trip with Grandma tomorrow that I can see getting cancelled.


*looks at AIM contacts* Everyone is idle. I should be idle too. I should be on a horse!


*goes to ring Dad and tell him I can't pick him up this afternoon*

10th January 2009

9:09pm: Today I had an interesting excursion to Rotherham and surronding area. It was windy and rainy and I dragged Matthew first to a multistorey carpark that had him breaking a sweat and them up and down to anywhere that looked remotely historical. It was difficult - having to see through 17th century tainted glasses beyond the macdonalds, superdrug and boots - but I found a lovely little chapel near the river I didn't know existed and walked up to Rotherham's parish church, which is ten times the size I had believed it was. I couldn't go in because it was locked and bolted to keep the stoners out, and half of it was covered with scaffolding. But I was happy. I will feature it in chapter 13.

We then called off at St Mary's in Greaseborough *hates name* for a short while. I was dismayed by the lack of graveyard and will endevour to find out where they buried all their deceased back in ye olden days. We then scooted around and I philosophised about the undisturbed English landscape between Wentworth and Brampton - it is wonderful; I managed to get a good picture of what Aurelia's surrondings might have been like. Then we pulled up in a massive puddle of mud outside Wentworth Church and trudged down to the relics of the old church, where I examined tombstones. None survived from beyond mid-18thC that I could see, but I did get to look down to the vault where my beloved Earl of Strafford is buried. In the summer, they have open days so people can visit him and his family. Bless him.

So. Yea. I was caked in mud by the time I came back but it gave me food for thought and might carry chapter 13 to completion. I just hate geography and it doesn't help that where there were once fields and small peasant dwellings there are now council estates or great multi-complexes. It's not like I can wholly make up the area though either because they'll always be some nerdy South Yorkshire Historian that knows EXACTLY what Rotherham looked like in 1670 who can tell me exactly what I did wrong.

*le sigh*

Maybe creating other alternate universes is better.

9th January 2009

6:34pm: So, I went to Peterborough today. Trains make me anxious. I have this great fear of missing my stop andending in evil London. That didn't happen because I stood centimeters away from the door as soon as the train had pulled out of Granthem. On the way back, I had a spaz because the train I needed to get on terminated at Leeds rather than Newcastle, so I was looking at the board for Newcastle and not understanding why my train wasnt listed. In the end I had to ask someone and felt like such a dodo bird when they told me it was the Leeds train. Obviously, seeing as it was the only train going North! I nearly caught the Kings X one because I had it in my mind that I needed to go south.

Anyway, Peterborough was cool. I got to see where Katherine of Aragon is buried and where Mary Queen of Scots was executed. Rich wasn't impressed by my sudden historical interest, and my "ooooh - I never knew that remarks" at the information boards. I bought two pairs of jeans for £20 and picked up a holiday brochure that advertised everywhere besides where I wanted to go. It even advertised Barnsley!

I have nothing I want to say. I am just on here because it beats doing nothing. I have the house to myself tonight, so I can play loud music and cause havoc. Likely won't be doing that. I'll probably just roam the internet trying to find something of interest. I have sushi to eat. Yay.

So. Yea. Isn't pointless LJing cool.
9:51am: I had fun shopping yesterday. Spent a hell of a lot (of my mum's money) but I enjoyed myself. I am going to meet Rich in Peterborough today. Tomorrow I am going to Yorkshire. Thursday I am going riding and out with Ben and anyone else at night. Friday I am going shopping again. Alas, I have decided not to go to Durham on Saturday just so I have a day's rest.

But whenever I am busy, I am not depressed!

4th January 2009

3:35pm: I've gone and sprained my back again. I'm sat here, talking to Gary and Jan thinking, oooh- my back is a bit stiff after that ride on Jerry. If only he'd pick his head up when he trots instead of hanging it down like an old man. And then Jan announces she's going to pick up the kids, I think this is a perfect natural break in my gossiping/writing chapter 13. I'll take doggie for a walk. I get up and my back basically says: No chance! Not unless I wanted to walk around like a cripple. *sighs* Maybe tomorrow.

I think I'm going to pace the room a couple of times, see if it is just stiffened. It's the same area that feels bruised as the time I sprained it well over a year ago - was anyone in the SPEW chat when that happened? It was so hilarious and so not at the same time. One minute I'm as happy as larry, making jokes and being all chipper!Laura, and the next I was in total agony, cursing and screaming like a woman possessed. I think it was one of my most vivid MNff moments.

Anyway, pacing. I'll put Snow Patrol's Crazy in Love on to pace to. *dies* *loves Gary*
11:47am: I hate the world today...

It's weird. I go riding. Feel good and alive. Come back. Within ten minutes, feel like I did before.

I think I'm going to take a long long walk in Rufford.

2nd January 2009

8:17pm: Today I watched a robin...
 finally managed to upload a pictuyre of my new best friend. Here he/she is (sorry, he/she buggered off before I could determine whether he/she wasmale or female. Alas, it was an intense but brief relationship)

And... beneath the cut you will find pictures of Christmas Day.
Warning: Pictures of me *smiling* and drunken tomfoolery follows.

1st January 2009

1:36am: First joke of 2007 from yours truly:

My mum served up pheasant, claiming it was venison, at the New Year's Eve party. I don't mean slices - I mean half a pheasant, wings and legs et al!

Pheasant = game bird, dopey, gets run over on the road
Venison = deer, dog-sized mammel, red meat

Either Barnsleydian people are exceptionally stupid or everyone found the pheasant tremendously delicious and didn't complain. I hope the latter.

30th December 2008

10:54am: Leaving MNff.
I've decided that the time has come to leave MNff for good. It's an impulsive decision but one I feel is right for me. I do have my doubts because I enjoy a lot of things about being on the site, mainly the socialising with so many friends. Yet, most of that socialising goes on either here or on AIM, which is always switched on whether I want to talk to people or not (hence why I ignore people from time to time) and so the socialising, besides in the few group chats I join, will continue as normal.

I'll be honest and say I chose to leave yesterday, when I found out the reason why my mod app got the cut. Two mods still thought me becoming a mod would cause tension, due to my past disagreements with (mostly) ex-mods. I felt like I'd entered a time machine and was stood in my HoY office again - as she lectured me on not achieving, not being responsible, not trying to make amends. When all I had been doing was just that. I can't force people to trust me, but I don't want to be in that place again where I feel nobody does. I've tried my best on MNff and gained a lot from it. Inevitably, I was a little too trusting in myself and others, but that has always been the case with me.

I got VERY upset about it yesterday, more upset than I have been in a long while, and in the process hurt two people I love very dearly. My guilt over hurting them, and potentially upsetting my grandparents, was a main reason why I've chosen to leave. I'm an adult now and so I need to make proper decisions that are going to help me be the best adult I can be. MNff, with all its history and tensions, isn't that.

Another main reason, and an inevitable reason for a long while, is Emancipation *still cringes at her working title* It's taking up the time I would have spent writing fanfic. The SS this year was immensely enjoyable, but it will be the last fanfic I write because, honestly, I am sick of fanfic getting in the way of my original writing. I'm making the cut and stepping into the realm of original writing for good. Hell, I'm 12 chapters into Emancipation already, and have every belief that it will be finished. It's not like I don't have plot bunnies bursting out my earholes - because, trust me, I do!

What I need most of all is people to share it with. If anyone wants to read sections of it, please email me or reply to my LJ. I am shy because it is my first OW since my ridiculous attempts pre-fanfic.

I'm not saying goodbye to anybody because, to be brutally honest, I aint going anywhere. How many of you actually talk to me on MNff? Very few. It's all via LJ or AIM. I need to send PM's out to various people, and ask Matthew to block the site's URL from my new laptop. I know that sounds extreme but I need a clean break and there is this fiendish part of me that will creep back on if given temptation.

Okay. So. Now, for the hardest part of it.

29th December 2008

1:33am: Emancipation
I must be mad. It is one thirty in the morning and I have just closed Chapter 12 of my story. It's only just begun, less than 500 words, but still... it's bloody writing itself. I've brought Lord B senior into this chapter to confuse everyone, seeing as the past two chapters have been about Lord B junior. I now have about twenty chracters in the story, each playing their own vital part in it all. All connected. All wanting their time in the spotlight. I need to bring Toby back into it soon, maybe next chapter. He is goiong to be crucial to upcoming chapters. But it's an exciting project... just great when I feel things are going right.

But now I am off to bed!

27th December 2008

8:06pm: I honestly don't think I'm a dangerous driver when I see some of the maniacs on the road. I was coming up a countryside road's hill, when this stupid chav car came zooming up the other side, full beam on, center of the road, must have been going at least 70. I nearly ended up in a ditch... or worse, King's Mill!

I was coming back from a very enjoyable lesson on Bruno. Couldn't help but feeling it would have been even more so on Jake, but thoughts like that will get me nowhere. Bruno went forward for me and even outdid this great massive thing that has Shire in its blood. My canter was as wobbly as it usually is but my leg yielding was pretty good and I was firm with the big scardey cat when he refused to go into the far lefthand corner.

So, good lesson. I'm sat waiting for Ruby and the Smoke to come on. Billie Piper is playing Sally, and whilst she isn't Pullman's best character by a long stretch, I just know that Billie is going to turn her into some sweetheart thing. For a start, she isn't blonde. I swear she isn't. RitS is a really good book so I can enjoy yelling at the TV screen about it. Or maybe it'll surprise me like Jane Eyre did - I mean, besides the rushed childhood and not-very-deformed Rochester, I had very little to criticise. The BBC are starting to get things right.

They've got EE all wrong, though. Teenager shagging old man. Heartless son doesn't care his mum is dead. Child is tragically ill on Xmas day. And eeeeeewwwwww Phil has a new G/F. Seriously, how does he manage to get laid? He's the ugliest man in England! These storylines just go around in circles. As soon as a character appears to be showing a trace of happiness, they have to cause the maximum amount of pain to them.

Ewwww - my fingers taste of Bruno.

*has nothing else left to say*

26th December 2008

11:23pm: *is having troubles finding names for her Irish characters*

Thomas Bellaghy has given me the run around with his name, and even now I'm not sure if he slots together just right. For a long while he was XXXXX and then I created a psyeudrom for him, Cuthberry, just to get around his missing surname. Now, I've chosen a small, old village in Derry (I made sure it had references back to 17th C) and a traditional English name, seeing as he is Lord Bellaghy - Irish title, being a member of the Old English gentry in Ireland - and Thomas because I have an Edward, a Henry, a James and I'm avoiding Richard for psychological reasons. He's not a George so I came to Thomas by process of elimaination. It's a nice name.

The women are even worse. My old wise woman has been grumbling about being called Naesa for two months now, and I knew when I named her that it was a working name soon to be changed. I want Meadhbh but it's off-limits for obvious reasons. I toyed with Una and other equally unsuccessful names and it's currently Saorla.

During this, I've realised that using Ruaidhrí might not be too bad. Aurelia's father needs a name and he might be making his debut appearence tomorrow, if I can get Aurelia and Bellaghy's argument wrapped up quickly. He'll only be about sixteen, Mary about fourteen. It will be interesting writing about young love, considering how much I despise it. He gets killed by Cromwell's men, though, so there we go.

Now comes the fun part... finding a tribe name for this wonderful but disfunctional Irish family of mine.

Ooooh - antonio banderas is back on singing Phantom. God that man is HOOO OO TTTT! His voice doesn't quite fit the mould of Phantom but God is it sexy.

/random tangent

*reads page Gary sends* *tries to ignore sexy Latino voice*

Sing, my angel!

*choses Ó Seiridh*

*Boyzone is now on* *grumbles about crap Irishness*

It's apparently one of the original derisions of the surname Sherry, and dates back to 12thC in Ireland, found in a battle record. Wow, what I could use with that! Also, they were found in Armagh area (my intended setting) plus Antrim and Tyrone... so if I do have to shift my setting slightly I needn't worry too much.

*loves research when it works out okay*

My battery is down to half power now so I should be careful. But i've really enjoyed this Andrew Lloyd Webber concert accomplished research

*submits entry so she doesn't lose her names*

*makes point to edit chapter 8 to fit new research*

*loves Saorla O'Seiridh*

7:08pm: Boxing Day walk was cut down somewhat because the French wanted to visit the major oak. I'd been looking forward to my annual trip to Clumber Park, where I get to stroll around the paths through woodland and the great lake, musing about different things. Major Oak doesn't have as much appeal. Oh well, I'll make it there at some point soon.. or next year.

I'm sat watching Dad's Army with my family. I have decided I don't as much like this type of humour. It's sort of World War... stereotypical... cheap but witty lines... over enthusiastic laughter from invisible audience... ridiculous.

Mum's dropping to sleep so she isn't too impressed either. Basically, it's just Dad.

Great, she's just woken up and is tormenting my method of typing. I really am a figure of ridicule when it comes to my typing.

Dad: She really needs to learn how to do it properly
Me: I don't want to

I could find love one day through my hideous typing. And i've written 2,500 words of Emancipation today using it, so it can't be that bad.

They're attacking turkeys in this ridiculous episode of Dad's Army. *sighs*

Then again, 21st century humour aint much better.

*is bored*

*goes back on Sims*
12:37am: My new laptop is like something from cyber space. I'm sat here in the conservatory, talking to everyone and managing to make an LJ entry too! I have new AIM too, that is sort of weird and tells you more information and looks different. The screen is so clean and the sound so brilliant and amazing.

*orders martini and lemonade*

I could charge my laptop and take it to Rufford. No more handwriting for me. Mwuahahaha. Although, whether I trust myself to carry a laptop around with me to such locations is under debate. I'm quite confident that my new Belle notebook will be smothered in chapters soon.

*sips martini and lemonade*

*contemplates putting razzle dazzle back on for Margot*

Her mum says that she's fine without it and my mum has just siad we could all do without that.

I might go back on Sims. It runs sooooo fast, its unbelievable. I've already created Aurelia and her parents. I'm justifying it as character building, although I now have no excuse whatsoever not to get down to some writing. And, oh won't editing be bliss once I can sit in a confortable place with a virtual red pen.

*huggles new laptop*

HAHAHAHHA. Margot has just taken mum's cigerettes out of the case. Smoking at the age of 15 months! *giggles*

So I had a lovely Xmas day. Lots of food. Plenty of good company. An enjoyable day all round. I have pictures to post soon.

*debates about the worthlessness of buying CDs*

So... Merry Christmas, everyone!

24th December 2008

6:03am: *seems to fail at every little, small thing at the moment*

One day I'll manage something small and then at last I might have the confidence to do something big.

*contemplates going to bed*

*is too upset*

*is wondering if this depression is going to last till she returns to Uni*
4:33am: *has woken up in the middle of the night, having one of my strange little panic attacks, and rendered unable to sleep again*


*goes to put on TV*

And I have this strange song in my head that is non-too-cheery. On the bright side, my mind keeps drifting over to thoughts of visiting Ireland. On the bad side, I keep telling myself it won't happen.

22nd December 2008

5:11pm: *is really really really cold, and shivery, and cold... and even more cold!*

I was *this* close to cancelling our family meal tonight because of my sickness at 2.30 this morning. I think I'll nibble my food when I get there and not order a starter. But I have to go because otherwise I'm letting this illness get to me and I NEVER let illness get to me.

It's effing bad luck, though. The two times I've been ill this year have been a) Bailey Ball night and b) my birthday. Yesterday I was so upset about Jake and hospitalness that I didn't listen to my body telling me it was too cold and achey. I paid for it this morning - with a plunger!

Anyway, I had some lovely presents. I'm giving myself a whole day completely off MNff (I would say that was Mugglenet entirely but I'm enjoying the banter about the seventh book) because I don't want to hear about mod apps. Everyone on LJ and Facebook have made me happy for sending me hugs - thank you to you all. It's nice to hear from my friends from Uni. It feels like a different lifetime and it's great to think they haven't forgotten me.

Matthew made me a wonderfully illegal CD that has all my favourite tunes of the mo on (From Summer of 69 to How to be Dead. And he's even put on Automatic, my favourite Keane song and Handbags and gladrags. He must have given it a lot of thought because it's just perfect for me). My grandma and mum each bought me lovely tops. I'm wearing one, although I'm about to hide it with a jacket. *shivers* I have a lovely necklace, some non-pesky vouchers for Waterstones (good excuse to buy a new book!) and Matthew also got me Sliding Doors. Hehe. Jan's pressie made me laugh, and i love it to bits - a notebook with Belle from B&B - no doubt it'll be filled in a month's time with various chapters of this and that. It is a perfect present for someone who writes as often as me ;-)

And... Christelle's just rung me to say happy birthday - heheeh and Elisa popped onand said Happy Birthday too!

*feels loved today*

That's what counts. Not this stupid stomach bug.
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